My other halves

I have been away from this blog for a long time , and it will be the same way in the years to come. Anyway no one knows about this blog, atleast for now. A looooooooot has happened since I last wrote. Am married now J. September 21 is the date I don’t wanna forget.  A lots of thought lingering in my mind before that as to how the girl would be, not lookwise but her behaviour. Thank God I have a soulmate. One year later when I write this blog I can say happily that we are one happy family. We have an addition to our happiness now…Razil….the sweetest. I still remember one of the most anxious ride I made from Bangalore to kerela on the 12^th of October. I wanted to get there in jet speed but the KSRTC bus I was in would not go more than 40 kmph. I was getting frequent updates from the hospital and I did not have enough battery left in my mobile. I heard the happy news through phone at around 7.45 and I reached the hospital at 10. Am a dad now, I did not sleep that night. I was damn tired of that travel in bus but my happiness took over me. He was so small. My little Razu. He was so small that I did not take him in my hands, fearing I might break him just by taking him. His smile is what I see when I return home and that’s why these days I leave office on time, somedays before time ;)

                              Zinu has been the bestest. I have heard that the best way to remember your wifes bday is to forget it once and then she will make sure that you remember it every year. I actually forgot to wish her this time around but she was as cool as a cucumber. Probably because every day has been a very special one for us. I just wish I can keep her happy all the while. We have had a lot of happy memories. We made a trip to coorg, one of the happiest trip of my life. We did not know Razu also accompanied us on this trip ;) Yes she was carrying then. We would not have went ahead with the trip if we had known that earlier. But as fate has it, it was probably then or never. One day while returning from bro’s home we got stuck in rain and we waited in a bus stop shed, but the rain wouldn’t stop even after an hour and then we decided to go home even when it was drizzling. That journey in rain was a memorable one too. It was very difficult to ride in bike with water clogged all over and traffic at its best. 

Year Wrap Up

The year 2012 has been a mixed one for me. I had travelled a lot during this year, especially those on adventure trips. Chikmangalur with Todd and the most amazing trekking trip to kudremukh. I still dont  realise the fact that I had trekked 20 kms at a stretch and since it was a mountain the 10 km uphill looked more like 30km in itself. I had sprained my leg twice but still managed to walk as I knew that there was no help available. The highlight of the trek was I was able to see the "sambar" (deer) in their home and came across new friends , credits to Raghu for that. The home stay there was wonderful and the food was just amazing. Apart from this trip , myself Prabu , his better half and Santhosh went to Nandi hills and ranganathittu bird sanctuary. Nandi hills among them was special because of the climate. Full of fog around we felt we were surrounded with clouds.

This was the year I changed to a new room cause Prabu got married and yeah I went to Tirunelveli and Madurai to attend the marriages of Prabu and Sankaran respectively. I was on a shopping spree this year which I would like to reduce during the upcoming year and I went ahead to buy my New Nike shoes, Original  ManU cap, Arrow sweatshirt among the few.

2012 was the year I took the most number of medical leaves and I pray that I do not overtake this in the upcoming years. I had to go through tremendous pain due to bad tooth. A separate post is availabel on it.

My sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in Saudi and so my mom made her first visit in flight. We were a bit tensed about her travel but she reached comfortably and these days I see her through skype, all thanks to technology.

I was quite regular to the club and had a good time playing TT and infact I had improved the scale. I went on to play doubles with prabu to reach quarters and we would have made it to the end unless stopped by the winners themselves. And in singles lost to Joy again for the second year but this time the match was so close and interesting. I was happy with the way I served and the way I played in general. Although the year started normally , it ended on a bang with me participating in GTN jingle with my friends. Our team was named "Trailblazers", when no one expected us to perform good , we finished second. We were infact leading till the last day, with dirty politics playing and spoiling our party. I participated in fashion show with a complete new make over and I was appreciated for the attitude I carried, we received the second place for that . We also got the second place in GTN got Talent where we performed a  mime. Everyone appreciated our effort and they loved it. I was  a bit disappointed that we did not get any recognition for the mad ads which was by far one of the best I have seen. It was creativity at its best and we composed everything in half an hour just before the show. However am happy that this time I was able to showcase my talent outside MSTR .

Went to attend cousin's marriage in Kerela and thus spending my new year eve in a train. I do not regret it cause everyday is special and I have always another day to wish everyone a Happy New Year. This was the year the Mayans went wrong and we survived the 21-12-12 jinx. I hope I will have good years to follow with less pain and more happiness.

The Forgetful Pain

2012 was the year I took the most number of medical leaves and I pray that I do not overtake this in the upcoming years. I had to go through tremendous pain and I did not  even know what caused my pain. I had this occasional one sided head aches and I used to apply some pain balm and ultimately it would ease down. But that day after we returned from Nandi hills everything seemed normal but suddenly during the night I got this severe one sided heachache. My usual medicines didn't work and by the time I tried my usual pain balms it was mid night and no doctors were available . Then I went to a medical shop and bought a pain killer. Even the pain killer did not help in relieving the pain but what went worse was that due to the pain killers I was feeling weak and sleepy but i couldn't sleep because when I sleep the pain increases. Then I tried so many stupid things out of pain including lying upside down and banging my head on the wall. Yeah, it might sound stupid but such was the pain that I was ready to do anything for the pain to subside and then this weird thing happened, when I goggled  I found relief but only for 30 seconds exact. So if I goggled for 10 second I can be in peace for the next 30 seconds. I was literally sitting near the  wash basin and goggling but then due to the pain killers I was feeling sleepy too. I went to the bed with a bottle of water and an empty mug to spit cause I was too weak and tired to visit the restroom every-time to goggle. I would drink some water, google it and keep it in my mouth for a while. When doing this I would also doze off unknowingly and then wake up in couple of minutes because the water from my mouth would come out and drench the body. But I did not have other options that would better this, so I would do the goggling again and then doze unknowingly . I know this was a pathetic condition and I hope I never would have to face this again. I was waiting for the sun to come so that I could go to a doctor. And then at last at 5 in the morning I went out. I did not know where to find a doctor but the pain was driving me mad that I dint even know where I was going. I found a autorickshaw and I then realized that I saw a clinic nearby. I asked him to drive there. I reached the clinic in less than 5 minutes and found it to be closed, but I still rang the bell for medical help. A maid came and I said that am in pain and I need to see a doctor. But then she said that it was a gynaecology clinic and I was taken aback. The auto was still waiting and I asked him to drive to the nearest hospital where I could find a doctor at that hour. He then drove me to a hospital in RT Nagar. He charged hefty knowing I would not waste my time bargaining with him . These are the times I really lose my hope on man-kind. How could someone make use of other's misery. Well neither did I think too much and went to the hospital where I found a night shift doctor. He diagnosed it to be migraine and gave me an injection for relieving the pain. I went home in another auto and this time found an honest man who stuck to the meter reading and charged accordingly. That pain killer had some good effect , I was feeling relief and since I hadn't slept the whole night I was feeling sleepy too. So I went to bed and woke up in the noon and had my lunch. I thought everything was back to normal until noon at around 2.15 pm when I had the pain once again. By now I had a doubt if this was due to the tooth. So I  called Prabu and we went to see a dental doctor. There are more than 7 clinics nearby but none of them were open post 2'o clock since it was a sunday. Then after failing to find a dental clinic we came to the hospital near our office. A doctor who was not a specialist diagnosed it to be due to teeth and not migraine and she said that it was not advisable to give you pain killer as you had already taken one in the morning and taking more pain killers was dangerous. But due to the pain and since it was post 8hrs since I took my first injection she went ahead. Again I felt better and made couple of calls to the family. Dad had even advised me to either go to bro's home or even come to Chennai in worst case. But since I was feeling better due to the injection I said I could handle this.

 I was wrong, the pain started again in the evening and it was getting only worse. At around 10 in the night I decided to go Chennai in the 10.30 train. Prabu helped me reach the station. I got an unreserved ticket and was waiting for the train to arrive. The train arrived 5 minutes late and it was packed since it was a Sunday. I couldn't even enter the compartment. I thought lets try my luck with the next train , which will arrive at 11.45pm. The next train arrived and it was no better than the previous one. But this time I had no option. If I miss this I might not go at all. So I got into the train and found a place to stand. I knew I cannot stand for the whole travel of 6 hrs. There was a gap between the two adjacent bench where people keep their feet. I decided to sit there. Though people were a bit reluctant with the idea of me sitting there cause that would mean they cannot keep their feet in comfort, but they let me . One of the forgettable journey I have ever made. Peoples feet were quite near me, some even touching but it could have been even worse . I was feeling sleepy due to the injections and I was lying with my head supported to the walls of the train. It was not a sound sleep because deep within my conscious I know my surrounding.  At katpadi the Bengali family who allowed me to sit right beneath them left and they allowed me to take their place. Although they looked aggressive they were kind enough. These are the moments that restores my faith in mankind. There are the people like the auto driver who I mentioned  earlier and this family, completely different from each other but all living in the same world. Although I got a good seat , I was just waiting to get to home. I knew that reaching home wouldn't relieve the pain but there are my parents who can take care of me. Whenever am sick I just wanted to be with my Dad, who I know would take care of me better than anyone. I reached the station at 6.45 and asked mom to prepare the breakfast as I didn't have anything for dinner. All this while during the travel I did not have the pain, it was a miracle but it would have been worse had I experienced it during the travel as the travel in itself was bad enough. However I reached home and had my breakfast and when I started to see a doctor, Dad said that he would come only at 10. When we went at 10 he wasn't still there. I was disappointed and so were my parents and then we went again at 11 taking an early appointment and this time even the doctor wasn't there but thankfully his wife who is also a dental surgeon was available. She took a look at the tooth and said that it has to be extracted. She gave an anesthesia injection. I was in pain but was ready to take it for the cure. Immediately after the anesthesia I did not feel the pain at all and at this point I was 100 % sure that it was all due to the teeth. She then extracted the tooth with great difficulty. At first it did not come and she had to use some force to do it. After it was extracted I was advised not to have solid foods for a few days. Only juices were advisable and I was not supposed to speak for a few hours. If I were to follow this diet then I had to stay here because in my room I wouldn't get what I wanted, so I decided to take my medical leave for the next 4 days.

I was back to normal and things were usual but then again I got the head ache back , but his time it was the other side. I was furious and frustrated with myself. I wasted no time and visited a very big multispecialty hospital called "Narayana Hrudalaya". I took the x-ray and it was found that there was another teeth with the same prob and had to be extracted and there were also other teeth which needs to be operated. I was totally demoralized after hearing it. But then I realised that I cannot just withstand the pain and decided to go home again. This time when we called the clinic for an appointment, I was shocked to hear that the doctor has gone on a vacation and will be back only after 2 days and hence 2 days of my medical leave goes in vein. But then on the third day the doctor comes and again extracts my tooth. This time the husband was available and he made it look easy. I still carry that tooth they extracted. I know that there are still tooth's that can cause problem but I just hope that it wont be this bad.

Expectation Hurts

Expectation Hurts. Especially when you are thinking abt something for a long time and it doesn't happen. Sometimes when you work really hard but at the end the result is not the one you expected, we get really sad. I should not describe that emotion as sad, but its a mixed feeling  of a bit of depression and more of aggression. There are times when surprises lead to expectations. When your friend comes to your home at 12 o clock midnight during your bday and celebrate it with a cake, it is a surprise for you. When he does that for a couple of years, you obviously expect that the next time its gonna happen. But how do you react when your friend forgets your bday the next time.

Sometimes people live up to your expectation and that makes us ecstatic . But its only "sometimes". When we cant judge ourselves perfectly how do we  expect others to judge us. If expectation is optimistic ,I would ask you to expect nothing but the BEST. But remember to take the result however they make be. I move forward everyday thinking Tomorrow will be a better day. Some people call that optimism , some call expectation.

Who chose Whom

I wasn't sure what I would become and there is a lot of difference between what I wanted to be and what I am. But I do not complain because its better than what I thought it to be.

God probably had a better script in mind. Today am a software engineer by profession. When I was around 10 years of age, I wanted to become a civil engineer. And then I thought I just wanted to be an engineer. Later when I was doing my tenth std , biology was probably the toughest of subjects I had to encounter and I thought am not gonna choose my major as biology in my higher secondary. But as it turned out to be I got into the biology class. I never wanted to be a doctor then but my parents thought that opting for biology would give me the additional option of writing the entrance test for Medical examinations which I never did. Later when I was quite sure about taking engineering, I thought to myself that I shouldn't take Computer science as my major. But fate had other ideas. Am now a computer science engineer. But I can boast myself as someone who is in a career that I can relate to my studies because many of my friends don't. Even when I was doing my engineering in computer science I was very poor in my programming skills and I knew that a job in this field would require that and I had to work on that. I didn't have a good tutor for that and I thought it wasn't a good idea to spend for a tuition on that , because that would mean I had to burn out some money from my dad's purse, which I didn't wanted to. Then I came across Systech which introduced me to a field called Business Intelligence and where I wouldn't require more of a programming knowledge except for some sql skills which I already had. I know that there are many students out there who still think there is no career outside c,c++,java. I hope one day they too would realize like the way I did. Now am working on a BI tool called Microstrategy and that can write sql on its own making my job much easier. So, here I am , a software engineer without any coding. So what do you think ,did I chose the career or the career chose me?? Who chose whom??

  

-RB

My Present

If only I could be like a child is my thought now, I don’t have to worry about stuffs that surround me, I don’t have to think what others will think of me, I will never have to worry about my reputation, just live the life. The most difficult part of life is living in it. People ruin the present by thinking about the future and by crying over the past. we often forget that there Is something called present, in other terms present is absent most of the times. What do you say to the person who is the reason for your unhappiness when he asks you "Why do you look sad"?? . What would give me happiness, the answer for this keeps changing over a time period. For a kid a small chocolate can give him happiness, for a teenager a new bike would give him happiness.. what will give me my smile back??

-RB

Circus

Life is a circus. I may not be the first one to say this but nevertheless I have realized that it’s a fact though. At some point of time we all would have acted like clowns, pretending to be funnier outside hiding the real face within. And then there's the risk factor and people watching the show might not even realize it because its just entertainment for them. It so happened that I watched my first circus few months back and it took me 25 years to watch my first circus. Yes I have never been to a circus earlier. But then I realized that I should have watched it at a much younger age because when the artists were swinging from one pole to another at a very great height I wasn't enjoying like the kids near me, but I was thinking of the risk involved and what if they get injured, what if the timing misses and how long are these guys staying away from their family and stuff. It wasn't even a packed house but the artists weren't much concerned.

I guess their life has become mechanical, when the bell rings they come out and perform. Circus among other entertainment forms has lost its charm largely due to other entertainment stuffs that’s available like the video games. Now that they have formed new rules to protect the animals in circus ,the toll has been carried over to the poor humans, but sadly there ain't a rule to save the people.

-RB